kiss the butterflies ♥

i just finished my prison break marathon. whoo! now i'm in line with the episode being aired in the states. i feel fulfilled. sleepless nights have finally paid off. and to think that others are spending those for studying. i am crazy.

i also was able to finish 2 books in 1 week. i know it may seem long enough for book freaks, but i kinda had a hard time finishing them earlier because i needed to squeeze them through the pile of work i am supposed to do. (that includes watching second season of prison break, by the way.)

the latest episode of prison break was crazy too! imagine a toxic blood... just touch and smell it for a few minutes and you're off to wonderland dreaming. i don't even know if it's medically possible. plus! 2 med couples got/are getting married. george-calley = married in vegas, burke-cristina = engaged. talk about crazy times two!

reporting for socsci2... deadly crazy. i need to read a whopping 40+ pages of john stuart mill's on liberty to be prepared for the said report. reading it is already hard; understanding is a whole different story. god bless me.

matterload!!!! i should be doing this now, but instead i got myself writing a blog. hmmm.... csb ivs is fast approaching... matterload yana, MATTERLOAD!

*****indeed crazy.*****

a really great year for me. many great and significant things happened this year.

---> first year in college... UP fight! haha
---> got in my first ever college organization (UP Debate Society)
---> debated in my first ever tournament (UPLBIVs)
---> had driving lessons
---> got my driver's license (non-prof)
---> got two uno grades :)
---> became a university scholar

hope to have more this coming year!

happy new year guys! :)

no.. this is not a sentimental entry... it's just a review of the book i read entitled "THE TRUTH ABOUT FOREVER" by sarah dessen. i love it. i love WES. i love wish catering. more importantly, i saw myself in MACY... i was ONCE like macy. trying hard to reach PERFECTION, she does everything numerically. study her SATs, work in the library for extra credits for college, and try to be little miss sunshine even though her dad died in front of her. by keeping her emotions to herself, she feels secured. that was how i was before... before i entered college. after graduating from high school, i just felt free. the dormitory i'm in and the organization i now belong to served as my wish catering team. they brought me out of the shell. i tried a lot of things that i restrict myself from doing before. i now (i'm secretly wishing my mom won't read this) drink more than a bottle of alcoholic drinks (it's safer not to specify)and dance like wild in a bar. i also learned how to drink coffee so that i can stay up late with my dorm mates. i now adore grey's anatomy, even to the extent of choosing to watch it first and then do my home works after. thanks to sam, i have read a lot of books already, calling her closet a "library". there is so much to life now than just studies, and well, studies. i still try to do my best, but i do not try to reach perfection anymore, because quoting delia from the book, "no one can be perfect". the book made me realize that flaws are good for me, and the IMPERFECTION it creates upon me actually makes me NORMAL. the only difference though between me and macy is that i don't have my own wes. SHOOT!

still, read the book, even though it'll make you want to look for your own wes, ESPECIALLY if you don't have one, like me. but if you already do...... GOOD FOR YOU.

i am starting to get pissed by the load i'm carrying everyday. imagine, every subject for my whole second semester required at least 1 book, and it should be carried to school every meeting! 4 subjects a day means also 4 books a day. and with my small stature (almost bordering to GMA's height), i really can't seem to get a grasp on all the books i'm carrying! god! this really gives me a pretty hard time. i almost fell off the jeep a while ago just because i need to hold on my books. it IS frustrating to think that i have to do this for a whole semester. my shoulder's aching, my hands are shouting out of pain... it's just plain torture. you wouldn't want to be in my place. (and not to mention how hard the subjects i have right now) just... plain... PAIN.

should i say sorry to a person who got hurt because he wanted me to be honest? come to think of it, i don't think i did something wrong. well, i might have hurt him in a way, but i was just banking on the fact that he asked me to be honest. period.

apparently, he didn't expect the kind of honesty i'd be spilling. i'm just on the "friends" level, and he was thinking way more than that. now that i've thought about it, did i do something that made him feel that i wanted to be more than friends with him? were my actions too friendly that he had them mistaken as affectionate actions? was i, at any point, at fault when he thought there could be more?

and here goes my guilty attitude. bugging my mind. he asked me to be honest. i did as i was told. and now, i feel that i did him wrong coz i followed what he wanted. i feel obliged to say sorry coz i do know that i have hurt him, and that i had been "brutally honest" (according to him). but that's the least i can do right? be honest. i'd rather have him get angry at me coz i told him the truth, rather than make him live in a lie and make him believe that there could be more when there couldn't. right? am i right? or should have i just been nicer to him and made him feel good by lying? was it better for me to hurt him by the truth, or make him sober by a lie? i am damn confused.

but i can't pull the past and change my decision. i chose to be honest. i chose to wake him up and bring him to reality. i just hope that it does good for both of us. i hope he'd understand. and stupid as i am, i still am hoping that the friendship wouldn't be lost, but, as things are going right now, i wouldn't be surprised if it suddenly just disappears like a bubble.

well, come to think of it, it started as a bubble. weak. vulnerable. floating in the air. a bubble will still end up a bubble.

unless a miracle happens.

well, as my title and mood says, i am grateful for today.

first, i wanna thank cake for designing my account...yey! thanks a lot sis! owe this cute design to you..!

next, wanna thank ate choerl for lending me her laptop for almost 7 hours. because of her laptop, i was able to finish 2 papers and 1 org requirement. thanks more because i was able to escape the great amount that i should have paid if i rented a pc in the pc shop. thanks a lot again!

lastly, i wanna thank my geol prof, nonoy!!!! because of your generosity of giving bonus points, i was able to get 1 in your 1st exam. cheerios for me! thanks a lot! (take geol1 next sem!)

this is a great day.. well in comparison to the previous days... at least nothing went wrong today..

and i give full credit to the slice of red ribbon's chocolate marjolaine that i ate.. i think it was the one responsible for my happy day. yum yum! yey yey!

well, this is my first blog entry here.... and i don't even know what i'll be talking about! hmmm... let me think...

ah!

i got to meet some of my former classmates today. it was nice seeing them again after a long, long time. we watched a movie (my super ex-girlfriend) and ate. we also visited our former school. and it's funny how i just suddenly missed all of them. i felt the urge and the need to see them all! i dunno...maybe it was just brought about by the fact that i saw some of them, so i wanted more (common human trait). well, i ddin't get more, and not that i'm disappointed about it. it actually turned out to be a good thing because we now planned to meet on monday (since it's a holiday) and have a get together. i remember the times when we were still all together...the fun, the laughter... now i'm excited!

talk about reminiscing...

i once "discussed" this issue with a friend..how reminiscing can actually put a person's life on hold in such a way that he lives in the past even if the present is already moving on. maybe because the past's better than the present, or... he likes to have what he had in the past, which obviously he already lost. i dont know... call me idealistic but i really think things should be gotten over with. a person cannot move on unless he still holds on to the past. one can't tell me that "hey! i can live on both times...hold on to the past while continue the present..". i would just not believe that.

so? is reminiscing bad?

no it isn't...but when it already comes to a point when one lives in the past because he reminisces too much... i becomes bad... well, at least for me.